The Grande Barygah Auction House

Seeing this image from Skerples' Auctions, Schemes and RPGs got me thinking.

Longque Chen

Without further ado,

The Grande Barygah Auction House

A floating villa. A waterborne stronghold, built piecemeal in the style of a dozen nations, every nail and board ornate. Monsieur Barygah is, in all things, a sophisticate. Getting the cherry trees to bloom all year-round was quite the hassle, but worth it for the atmosphere. He'll tell you about it over scotch.

Monsieur Barygah is the crocodile.

A saltwater crocodile measuring half a mile from snout to tail-tip, traveling the coasts and major waterways of the continent. His Scaliness operates and forms the foundation (literally!) of the most successful auction house in the world. The Grande Barygah swims where it is needed. The accommodations are up to the standards of gentry everywhere. It holds funds in escrow at very reasonable rates. Its owner is germane in the extreme.

And if anyone tries some shenanigans, they drown.

On top of the obvious benefits of being built on a 2.5 million ton intelligent killing machine, the Grande Barygah is a fortress. It has a reputation for security above all, and has earned it fully. The guests are expected to embark punctually. There is no room for stragglers. They are searched extensively, and their identities magically verified. Many a doppelganger has infiltrated the guest list only to be thrown overboard.

Magic wards? Check. Airtight panic rooms for emergency submerges? Check. A squadron of Jeweled Fan Dancers posing as maids? Check.

Of course, this is all dreadfully expensive. The Grande Barygah takes only the most lucrative contracts, and seeks out the most valuable items possible. If you want to hire the Grande Barygah, you'll have to fulfill some demands.

Monsieur Barygah's Demands:

A 10% commission. Non-negotiable.

Industrial quantities of single malt scotch.

Literal boat-loads of fish. Tuna is a favorite, but Monsieur Barygah likes some variety.

Diplomatic immunity. The House chooses its contracts on coin alone. It has worked for people of all stripes and creeds in its century of operation, and takes care to maintain neutrality and avoid sanctions.

Yes, the lionfish is simply divine at this latitude.

Denizens

The Auctioneer: The individual conducting the auction itself, in an administrative capacity, and often as the caller. This position rotates frequently, and the Auctioneer reflects the clientele and the items on offer.

1. A diminutive elf with wire-frame glasses
2. A  bulky pirate with a harsh, booming voice
3. A hag wearing the tattered garb of a judge
4. A priest of a foreign religion who angrily preaches between items
5. A Fungal Ambassodile
6. A wind spirit contained in a human skull

The Clerk: A woman of scholarly bent with indeterminate psychic abilities. She clerks the auctions, and holds the finances of the House wholly within her steel-trap mind. She makes a brisk side-business in trading secrets.

Safekeeper General: Formerly a proud warrior and tactician, now more machine than man. The House is one of the few organizations capable of keeping his ichor-tubes pumping, and he ensures it is kept utterly secure.

Monsieur Barygah: A disarmingly friendly, highly intelligent and frighteningly large crocodile of unclear origin. Though he has grown apt at hiding it, the fine drinks and timely conversation are a mask. He has an animalistic drive for money and power, and is forever unsatisfied with what he has attained.

Auction Items

• The Scabbard of the Fallen Abomination. Starts at 800gp
• The last painting by an ancient master. Secretly a portal to a demiplane. Starts at 2500gp
• The key to a portable and covert Mirror Chamber, for summoning Mirror Men. Starts at 1200gp
• A timely and plot-relevant secret, held by The Clerk. Starts at 1500gp
• A map to an ancient Archean observatory deep in the Veins. Starts at 1200gp
• A high-quality Soul Shell. Starts at 250gp
• Crystallized music from the Sublime Realm. Plays once when shattered. Any bard who can replicate it will make their career. Starts at 1400gp
• An Oscadian, stolen from the Mother. Starts at 2000gp
• A giant flawless emerald in a fired clay container shaped like an ancient fertility goddess. The container is an object of great archaeological interest. Must be destroyed to get the emerald. Starts at 600gp
• The scalp of a Titan. Worn as a cloak, armor as plate+shield. Starts at 1000gp
• A Favor from one of the Queens of Faerie. Liable to be twisted six ways from Sunday. Starts at 1600gp
• Book of poetry by a demon. On reading, make a Wisdom save or have your basic schemas inverted. Starts at 800gp. 

The Grande Barygah has long sought to auction treasures from the Civilopede. It's not interested in selling. Ah well, Monsieur is not above larceny. For more items, consider the Treasures of the Civilopede (Veins of the Earth p. 286-307)

Guests

• A haggard, dirty and unbathed man. The patriarch of a highly influential mendicant order. 
• A profligate young noble escorted by his miserly grandmother
• A drow matriarch and her husbands. Wears an occultum amulet shaped like a spider.
• A young lich (just starting to decompose). Is bored. Wants to stop being bored by spending money.
• A crowd of local socialites. Here to network, will be thrown overboard if they don't buy anything.
• A Rival. Wants whatever the PCs want, and will play dirty to get it.

- she didn't!
Well I heard-

Hooks

• The PCs need a piece of highly sensitive information. The Clerk is sure to sell it... for a price.
• A plot Macguffin is on sale. The PCs must get it before the enemy does.
• A foe is using the event to gain allies. Disrupt this without making fools of yourselves.
• One of the items belonged to the PCs before being stolen. Get it back.
• The PCs have found an item that can only be valued at auction. Ensure its sale and collect the money.
• The PCs (or a patron) wants an item on sale without having to pay. Steal it.
• The PCs (or a patron) wants an item switched with a fake. Make sure nobody notices.
• The Grande Barygah has crossed someone important, who wants the whole establishment, and its owner, 'taken care of'. Good luck with that. 

Rooms

1. The Grande Lobby: To mix and mingle while everyone is getting verified.

2. The Dining Hall: For a grand old time before the auction.

3. The Kitchen: Piled high with impossible variety. Room service and custom meals available.

4. The Cherry Grove: For drinks, cigars and politics.

5. The Guest Rooms:  Luxurious and Customized to the tastes of each individual guest.

6. The Staff Quarters: Spartan and functional. Weapons secreted in increasingly unlikely places.

7. The Auction Hall: Spacious seating and strict security.

8. The Amber Ballroom: Formal and glitzy. Hundreds of animals trapped in amber in the walls.

9. The Viewing Board: Set on both sides of the House, watch the scenic coast pass by with cocktails.

10. The Vault: In His Scaliness' third stomach, after the first and second stomachs (crushing and acid, respectively) but before the fourth stomach (man eating piranha). Directly below the Cherry Grove.

Invitation and Schedule

Upcoming