3 Goblinish Christmas Recipes

With Christmas just around the corner, the goblins are preparing for celebrations of their own. Inspired by Annowme and PseudoFenton on the Discord, here are the recipes the goblins will be making out of you and your precious reindeer.



Fruitcake (courtesy of Annowme)

Ingredients
5-6 cups of assorted goblin leavings, 3/4 cup of mansblood or your choice of fruits-blood. 1 cup goat-cake, 2 cups of sweet crystals, 1tsp salary, 1tsp spice bark, 1/4tsp berry-pepper, 1/4tsp spice-seed, 1tsp alchemist powder, 4 large bird babies, 3 cups choking powder, 2tbsp shokolatl, 1/4 cup tree-blood, 1/2 cup fruits-blood, 2 cups nuts.
Optional: Heaping 1 cup of reindeer noses for decoration.

Recipe
Combine goblin leavings with ditch water. Light the bonfires. Torture sweet crystals and goat-cake until mulchy. Additionally torture salary, spices, alchemist powder. Torture and add baby birds one at a time. Torture choking powder and shokolatl separately. Add this mixture and tree-blood to the mulch. Add fruits-blood and nuts. Burn over the bonfires in a pan. Serves a platoon.

Glazed Man

Ingredients
Spiral-sliced man-flesh, 1 can of dog ears, 20 smelling-sticks, small jar of reindeer noses, 3/4 cup sweet crystals, 2 tbsp yellow bile, shaved fungus goblins.

Recipe
Set fire to the man-flesh for half an hour. Extinguish, then decorate with dog ears, kept in place with either smelling-sticks or needles. Place a reindeer nose in the center of each ear for ideal look. Mix the sweet crystals with yellow bile to create a glaze, and spoon generously over the man-flesh. Set it on fire for another half hour. When done, extinguish again and sprinkle with shaved fungus-goblins. Serve piping hot. Feeds a single goblin.

GLOG-wein

Ingredients
1 bottle of mansblood, 2 star-seeds, quarter cup of sweet crystals, 20 smelling-sticks, 2 handfuls of spice-bark, half a sourfruit, 3/4 cup of ditch-water.
Optional: shot of huiscea.

Recipe
Skin and bleed the sourfruit, setting both aside. Mix the water and sweet crystals, boil over the burning homes of your enemies. Reduce heat when the crystals dissolve, add all other ingredients beside the mansblood. Simmer until it coagulates. Reduce heat further, add the orcsblood, keep at a bare simmer until serving. Strain and serve in the skulls of your enemies. Serves a squadron, scale up to serve a platoon.